


How I Met Your Mother (I Mean Team)

by SweetBunnii



Series: Ninja Husbands [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Naruto, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental Identity Reveal, Asuka Loves Dogs, Asuka is Adorable, Asuka is a Good Boi, Asuka just has a very good nose, Asuka meets the Better Avengers, F/M, Irondad, M/M, Mentioned Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Mentioned Kidnapping, Nightmares, Ninja husbands, Not Steve Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Very Tony Stark Friendly, although there isn't really anything to do with them in this fic, area 51, author loves dogs, but it's not in detail, dogs are best, i had fun thinking up what everyone would smell like, inaccurate depictions of area 51, not team Cap friendly, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetBunnii/pseuds/SweetBunnii
Summary: How Asuka met the nicest people on Earth.Or:Asuka has a nightmare, jokes about infiltrating Area 51, and meets part of the New Avengers.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Hatake Kakashi/Original Male Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Suzuki Asuka (OMC), Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: Ninja Husbands [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886836
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	How I Met Your Mother (I Mean Team)

Kakashi does not expect the others to arrive earlier than expected. Which is why he's so caught off guard because he's got a clingy husband snuggled against his stomach currently and they weren't supposed to return until the evening. He sits up as much as Asuka will allow him, setting Icha Icha Innocence aside while Carol, Jim, Tony, Hope, Peter, and Stephen step out of the elevator. Asuka only grips his sweatshirt tighter in his sleepy haze. The six greet Kakashi, peeling themselves free of their sweaters and jackets and shoes and hanging them up on the nearby hooks. He brushes a hand through Asuka's oat- coloured locks to help him settle.

"Back earlier than expected," he says, not bothering to hide the surprise in his tone.

"It started raining, so we called it quits," Jim explains and rounds the couch to take a seat at his usual spot on the recliner.

He pauses when he notices Asuka, blinking for a moment, and then he's relaxing into the chair with a shrug.

"Right. Sorry, I invited someone over and forgot to notify you, Tony," Kakashi says, choosing to ignore the fact that he did not actually forget, but rather forgoed telling the man.

"That's no problem as long as they're not a threat." Tony waves a hand at him and slings an arm around Peter's shoulders to lead him into the kitchen for a snack.

"Who's your friend?" Carol asks, taking a seat on the love seat with a glass of water cradled in her hands.

Asuka scrubs his face against Kakashi's stomach adorably, smacking his lips and sighing softly. He's not been getting a good night's rest as of late and Kakashi can tell it's because they're no longer able to live together full time, even with the constant visits back and forth. Then again, the younger's always had nightmares without Kakashi in the picture and he's sure his occasional absence isn't helping one bit. And so, whenever possible, Kakashi's been inviting him over to the compound or going home and snuggling with Asuka because it gives him a chance to actually get some form of rest.

"My husband," Kakashi says adoringly, glancing down at him with a smile hidden by his mask, "his name is Asuka."

"Oh, wow. I had no idea you were married," Jim mentions.

"It's not something I generally flaunt. He gets embarrassed when I do," Kakashi chuckles.

Which is true. He always got shy and flushed whenever Kakashi shouted about their marriage to the worldㅡin other words, when Kakashi introduced himself to his employees at the bakery and plant shop, and when Kakashi officially introduced Asuka to the other Jounin, and when Kakashi was petting a random dog on the street and would whisper about Asuka to them. And many, many other times that he can recall. The older man would announce it to the whole world if Asuka would let him, honestly. He stills his movements momentarily when he feels something wet soak through his sweater and brushes the silky strands out of his husband's eyes in concern. 

There they are, in all their awful glory, tears tumbling over the bridge of his nose and disappearing down his cheek. Kakashi gently swipes a thumb under his accessible eye and cups his cheek, sitting up a little more. Asuka's eyebrows furrow in a sad sort of way and his bottom trembles so subtly that Kakashi has to strain his eyes to see it. His heart shatters at the sight of his baby crying, anguished even in his sleep.

" _Darling_ ," he murmurs in old Japanese and Asuka shakes against him, " _'Suka, wake up._ "

The younger whimpers in his sleep, but doesn't wake like Kakashi hoped he would, so he takes the hand that isn't cradling Asuka's cheek and carefully brushes his hair over his shoulder to rub his back. He makes sure the movements are gentle, something hopefully soothing to his husband. It hurts to see him crying and it has Kakashi wondering who he's dreaming of. Perhaps it's Naruto, who'd practically died in his arms. He winces at the thought. Naruto's death had fucked him up pretty bad too. Suddenly, Asuka's chakra shifts and then he's shifting as well, pulling himself higher up to tuck his face into the crook of Kakashi's neck.

" _You awake_?" Kakashi mumbles against his temple, pressing a reassuring kiss there.

Asuka nods, sniffling quietly. Kakashi continues to rub his back while the trembling in his body settles.

" _Were you dreaming_?" He asks, because he knows it'll get Asuka to talk about it.

"Everyone," Asuka says simply, voice hazy and broken, muffled by his shirt, " _there, um, was Naruto? And Sasuke was killing him a-again. Pein was destroying o-our home, n' youㅡyou were asking me s..something. There were so many bodies everywhere._ "

Kakashi has to shut his eyes for a second, at the memories of the past and the pain they stab into his heart. Clearly, Asuka's not been having a good week for a dream like that. It might've all happened in the BC Era, but it's hard _not_ to forget the fields of bodies, the smell of death so strong could still smell it miles upon miles away, the blood that soaked into the Earth and made the once dry soil soggy and mud-like, the deafening silence the lack of life gave.

"I'm here," he reminds, quiet.

"Don't leave," Asuka sniffs, and then, "I miss Pakkun."

Kakashi can't stop the shocked laugh that suddenly bubbles past his lips, even if his heart pangs at the mention of his most trusted pug. It'd been so long since the ninken passed that, with the hectic-ness going on in his life, he'd pushed his memory aside for the time being.

"Is that why you keep stopping to pet every dog we pass by on our dates?" Kakashi asks, a little incredulously.

"All doggies deserve pats," Asuka states, pulling away from their embrace to settle back on his husband's thigh, which had fallen asleep between his legs, "let's get ten dogs, 'Kashi."

Kakashi wipes at the younger's cheeks, makes sure any trace of tears is gone because it hurts his heart to see.

"Ten? You sure you can handle that many while running a bakery and plant shop?" Kakashi smiles, but doesn't oppose to the idea of ten dogs.

"'Course. They can help me keep up with my training. Gotta stay fit somehow, y'know, just in case I ever need to infiltrate Area 51," Asuka jokes, shrugging before he adds, "Kurama says Area 51 is pathetic. I think they're just hiding secret weapons and machines too advanced for today's tech."

"You don't think they're hiding aliens?"

The others are politely minding their own business, thankfully, but Kakashi can't shake the feeling that they're secretly listening in on their conversation.

"I've seen much worse than aliens. If there actually are aliens in Area 51, I'm going to laugh long and hard for an entire three minutes," Asuka says seriously, "besides, the security there _sucks_. I mean, two guards driving around in a truck with guns? C'mon, I could slip past them without a scrape. Even Kotetsu and Izumo were better guards than that and they were asleep ninety percent of the time."

"So, what you're saying is that you've already scouted the area surrounding Area 51," Kakashi means to ask, but it sounds more like a deadpan.

"Well, yeah." Asuka says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I scouted the Pentagon, too. And Stark Tower. And, like, every important building in America. It's kind of a habit at this point, honestly."

"Oh my god, you're insane. I love you," Kakashi says exasperatedly.

"I love you, too," Asuka giggles, a pretty smile decorating his lips.

"As cute as this is, I think we need to back track on a few things," Tony interrupts.

Asuka's eyes snap up to find the man leaned against the island counter with a boy sitting atop one of the bar stools. There's a woman on the love seat, a man in the recliner, and another man taking a sip of water from the other side of the island. He immediately recognizes them and flushes, embarrassed that he'd just said what he said in front of all of them. Way to go, dumbass. 

**[Dumbass is right.]** Kurama snorts, cackling to himself.

 _[Keep your opinion to yourself, meanie.]_ Asuka pouts, mentally sticking his tongue out at the fox. 

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I can't believe you all heard that," he gasps, and hides his face in his hands, only for him to slap them down on his thighs a moment later, "I mean! I have absolutely no intentions of actually infiltrating Area 51 or anything! It's just kind of become a habit to scout dangerous places!"

"Are you, like, an assassin or something?" Peter gapes, sounding astonished.

"W-Well, um, not really, no? I worked in a special Black Ops team back in the day, but I was used more for infiltration and retrieval since I can get into pretty much any building without getting caught," Asuka explains hesitantly, a little reluctant to be telling all his secrets after so long.

"You weren't with them for very long," Kakashi mentions, "the Hokage recruited you at six, but you left at ten."

"Hush! Hush! They didn't need to know that," Asuka stresses, smacking his husband on the shoulder lightly.

"Hey, it's a historical legend," Kakashi says matter-of-factly, lifting his hands up as if to say _'what can you do?'_.

"Yeah, a historical legend that doesn't exist anymore. No one from then is alive to gossip about it," Asuka retorts.

"Uhh, we are." Kakashi raises an eyebrow. "And, ouch, that's a blunt way to put it."

"All I want to know is whether we should be concerned about you breaking into the Pentagon and other government owned buildings," Carol says, although she sounds more amused than concerned.

"No, ma'am. Unless ordered to, I won't actually act on my curiosities," Asuka promises.

She nods once, satisfied. Peter's still staring at him like he just brought the Moon down to Earth, doe eyes sparkling. He seriously looks like a younger version of Tony when he does that and it kind of scares the shinobi. And he only knows that because he'd met Tony once when he was a child, not that he'd remember. It was on a mission he'd tasked to himself because he couldn't sit idly by and watch a kid get napped by some criminals that wanted some of his dad's money. Tony was an adorable kid, so it feels absurd to think that Howard neglected him. It makes him want to slap the dead man upside the head to put some sense into him. Aside from a few differences, child Tony and Peter look nearly identical. He wouldn't be surprised if someone assumed they were father and son.

Asuka runs a few fingers through his hair before tying it back into a low ponytail to keep it out of the way. Someone smells a bit like pie, which is the first thing he notices when he takes a deep breath, and the second is that _Peter_ smells silky and a tiny bit tangy, with the faintest hint of motor oil (that definitely comes from Tony) and toxicity, which is something he associates with arachnids. Sometimes they'll smell like trees or greenery, but the tangy and silky scents are generally the most prominent. He squints at Peter and scents the air again. Stephen smells like a library, Carol smells like the saskatoon berry pie he first noticed, Hope smells like honey and apples, Jim smells like a mix of that pie and metal, Tony smells mostly like metal and motor oil with a hint of silk. So it is Peter. He must be Spider-Man, then. There's no way he just _has_ a farm of spiders at home, because he smells like a farm of spiders. The toxicity must be from how he got his powers.

"Not to freak anyone out, but is he Spider- Man?" Asuka checks, just to be sure.

The six of them tense in unison, which is automatically an immediate give away. If he wasn't Spider-Man they'd all be confused and still relaxed.

"Wh-Whaaaaaaat?" Peter laughs unconvincingly, "w-what makes you say that?"

"Not helping your case, kid," Tony says, setting a hand on his shoulder and rolling his eyes fondly.

"You smell like an arachnid. They usually have an odd silky and tangy scent, and you are just covered in it," Asuka explains.

If he _has_ to talk about his secrets and abilities, he will. Especially if it helps gain their trust. Not that he'll be happy about it, though. He's a Suzuki through and through and Suzuki's are extraordinarily secretive and private people. The only time they give their secrets away is if they meet someone they trust with their life, which is Kakashi for him. And it may have to be a few of the Avengers, if it comes down to it.

"Arachnids have a smell?" Hope says incredulously.

"I have a very sensitive nose, so everything has a smell to me. It can get a little overwhelming at times, but I've grown accustomed to it," the shinobi replies, "all of you have very distinct scents."

"Oh, I hope I don't smell bad," Carol frets a little, lifting her shirt to her nose as if to check for body odour.

"On the contrary, you smell like saskatoon berry pie. Colonel Rhodes does as well, though it's mixed in with metal alloy." Asuka gives her a pleasant smile.

"We had pie a _week_ ago." Jim looks kind of mortified.

"Ooh, I'm curious now. What do the rest of us smell like?" Tony asks, almost excitedly.

"Well, you smell like a mixture of motor oil, metal alloy, and the faintest of silk. It's oddly soothing. Ms. Van Dyne smells like honey straight from the comb and freshly picked apples in a bamboo basket. And Dr. Strange smells like a library, full of scrolls and old books, along with a hint of Earl Grey and motor oil," Asuka says, glancing down at his husband with another smile, "Kakashi smells like home on a dewy morning, when the forest is fresh with a heavy rain, and a field of apple trees sparkling with a new mist, and the gentlest trail of bread that's just come out of the oven."

Kakashi squeezes his hips lovingly, a tint of pink on the tips of his ears, "you're quite the sap."

"Hey, I'm just describing what my nose is picking up."

 **[I agree with the scarecrow. What a sap!]** Kurama _he-he_ s at the words, snickering to himself. Asuka pointedly ignores him.

"Good to know none of us smell bad," Stephen comments, finishing off his water.

He rounds the counter to stand next to Tony, winding an arm around his shoulders in a way that makes Asuka smile gently. It reminds him of his own relationship with Kakashi, when the older would go around the village flaunting their marriage to the other Jounin and civilians, a protective arm around either his shoulders or his waist. It's cute. They definitely make a good pair.

"If anyone is going to smell bad, it'll be the man who claims to be a Captain when he didn't even complete his training in the military," Asuka says, a little sassily, and then under his breath, "stupid faking bastard. Not even a valid military man."

Kakashi grins beneath the mask, and Peter giggles, having heard with his enhanced hearing.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bit cracky but it's a better look into kakashi and asuka's relationship dynamics.
> 
> asuka is baby. kakashi's baby. also i just love the idea of kakashi coddling asuka bc i want to be coddled lol
> 
> asuka was put in the ANBU at a super young age bc of his kekkei genkai btw, which allows him to constantly have the ability to talk to any animal and also transform in to any animal. which is perfect for infiltration missions and the hokage needed his skills back then. I Do Not Condone Child Soldiers but like the third shinobi world war was going on at the time


End file.
